In our marriages there are things which may look like small issues but in reality they are the ones that damage our relationships including marriage. Songs of Solomons 2:15 says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” The foxes that damage our marriage are:

Selfishness

We live in a self-absorbed culture where everything has to be about me, myself and I. We go into marriages with the idea that our spouses are there to cater for our needs and satisfy all of our wants. They need to meet our wants and we don’t have to do much, this is called a consumer mentality. Everything becomes one sided. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

 Poor Communication

Poor communication is one of the main things that damage our relationships. Things like talking over each other, not listening to one another, the silent treatment, not verbalising how you honestly feel about a certain situation and using abusive speech are all examples of poor communication. In our marriages we need to be quick to listen and slow to anger just like our Father in Heaven. James 1:19-20 says, “ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Infidelity

We need to guard our fidelity with all of our vigilance because infidelity has ruined many marriages and hurt many people. Infidelity breaks the fundamentals of marriage which are exclusivity and trust. Being emotionally attached to someone who isn’t your spouse is infidelity. Lusting over someone is infidelity, Matthew 5:27-30 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Bitterness and Unforgiveness

The person you get married to you is not an angel and so they are not perfect. Sometimes we do things that hurt one another non-intentionally or intentionally which is wrong, however we must learn to forgive one another. Ephesians 4: 31-32 says, “ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness needs to be a constant guest at our homes. Without forgiveness we carry bitterness which turns into resentment and breaks our marriages.

If you are struggling with your marriage take it to God first, in Matthew 7:7-8 tells us, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Ask God to step in and heal your marriage, to change your heart and your spouse’s heart. Husbands pray for your wives and wives pray for your husbands.